I cannot go to school today

I cannot go to school today,
Or work. I can't go to work, I mean.
Before my bestie left town he decided to share his cold. 
His gash, a rash and purple bumps.
Now my mouth is wet, my throat is dry,
I'm going blind in my right eye. 
And most likely my left eye too. It's dry.
My tonsils are as big as rocks.
They've always been large, but they're really big now.
Plus work is just overrated and takes to much energy.
At least I don't do manual labor.
And don't you think my face looks green?
Oh maybe that's just my lack of Vitamin D. My bad.
My nose is cold, my toes are numb.
It's probably the overactive AC on the 17th floor.
My neck is stiff, my voice is weak,
I hardly whisper when I speak.
Just kidding. Making sure you're still with me.
Or maybe that's me that's dazing off... dozing off? 
My temperature is one-o-eight.
Give-or-take a centigrade. What is a centigrade anyway? 
And why do I keep asking myself hard questions?
What's that? What's that you say?
You say today is. . . only Tuesday?

Oh.

Bummer.

Adapted from the one, the only, Shel.