Kids these days

Ya know the trouble with kids these days? They buy too much organic. Ya know the trouble with organic food? Not enough pesticides.

Ya know the trouble with not having enough pesticides? Too many pests.

Brett found a fly. I found a worm and two ants. On my broccoli.

THIS IS WHY KIDS DON'T LIKE VEGETABLES! Cause broccoli eating experiences are wrought with images of black slime and crawling things.

 

Last weekend hubs and I tried to do a 3-day lean meat and vegetable cleanse. This is not one of those liquid cleanses that forces you to... Um... flush your system. No no. This is more of a detox from carbs and sugar. Now those of you that know me - read:all of you - understand that those are fighting words. This is like...

I don't even have any good analogies. But it's SERIOUS! We started this crazy business on a Friday. And of course hubs was feeling peachy keen after work so he wants to lift weights. I might as well have not eaten anything that day. I'm getting lightheaded and real grouchy. But I forge through it. For the sake of my bestie.

 

Well Saturday morning rolls around and hubs and I head to the park. I'm feeling slightly better, he is feeling slightly worse, but needs to get in his long run. Training for a half-marathon. Nut. But he heads out for his run and I decide to keep my exercise to a brisk walk. I don't function well without my sugar-nicotine. Duh. Well hubs doesn't either cause he makes it back 45 minutes later looking like death. [No offense, babe.] We had to get the kid some electrolytes in the form of Gatorade. That also came with sugar. And a stop at First Watch. We are still recovering.

 

Lesson of the day? Vegetables are overrated. Eat cake.

 

Like this one that is currently baking in my oven:

Roasted Banana Browned Butter Bars? Don't mind if I do.

 

Posted with Blogsy

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i love to run

You know that moment when you go look at the map for the run tomorrow morning that you're mentally ignoring cause you don't wanna do it cause you thought you were signing up for a large group thing but actually you were signing up for an every-man-for-himself race representing your company and you finally find a girl to run with and she breaks her foot that very night and you find out the race starts at 7am on a Saturday and you're seriously dreading it and wishing you could just go home and eat your scones?

When that happens to you, try out a fun tool called Map My Run. Its very handy and will tell you how far you ran, and when you crossed the mile-markers and your pace and all that fun stuff. This is the map for tomorrow:


You know what else it tells you? Elevation. Check this out...

You see that little hill in the middle that is a miiilllleee long? And that nice little one at the end? Yeah I got that under control. No big deal.

You wanna know the cherry on top? Weather.com is predicting 87% humidity at 7am tomorrow morning. I was joking yesterday when I said the humidity was 90%. I didn't know it could actually get that high...

Hubs is running tomorrow morning too, but his race starts an hour and 15 minutes after mine. He said he'd happily cheer me on while sleeping in the car.

Can we get some comments up in the house telling the punk that he best be on those sidelines?

I do get participation points for this, right... right...? Sigh...

PS- Dear Punk, I'll love you either way I guess. 

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Resolutions for May

Two lies and a truth:

1. I am athletic
2. And I love to run. 
3. Therefore I signed up for two 5ks on back-to-back weekends. 

I bet you'll never guess which one of those statements is true. 

Background: I have horrible feet. We're talking I had to have surgery on my left foot when I was 17. I was supposed to do my right foot after that, but decided it wasn't worth it. So naturally running comes easily to me. False again. But I do force myself to run [very short distances] on a semi-regular basis. I was doing the math in my head a few months ago and realized I've had the same running shoes since 2005. That was just a couple years ago. No big deal. So I bought myself some new ones. Which makes running slightly more comfortable, but not significantly. But this Wednesday hubster and I went for a run at like 10pm (which is totally normal, right?) and went for about 35 minutes. I thought I was going to die, but I didn't. So that's good. Maybe that means I won't die in this weekend's race. Maybe.

In other news, I've been doing this weights class at the gym. I like the class a lot, but our gym is rediculous in some ways, including the fact that they arbitrarily decide that AC is overrated sometimes. Now I'm the first one to turn off the AC at home as long as the house stays between 65- 82 (yes, we are very tolerant of these swings) but when I'm working my tail off doing squats with enormous amounts of weight (bahaha) I don't appreciate the lack of AC. So I've actually had to decrease the weight I lift to keep myself from falling over, passing out, or both. Dumb gym. I should boycott. 

Last night when I got home from work our neighbors were grilling out. They invited me over for hamburgers. And I thought to myself that I want to just hang out in my backyard and eat burgers and have a chill evening. But nooo. Self control got the best of me. I had to turn them down to go to my weights class. Let's just call it Body Pump Lite, mkay? 

GET TO THE POINT, LADY!

Yeah yeah yeah. Quit yelling at me. 

So this morning I'm getting ready for work and go to put on a pencil skirt and it doesn't fit. Not too tight because of the enormity of my quad muscles either. It didn't fit round the ole' hip bumpers. Maybe my hip muscles are growing. Let's be real... Probs not. So rude. 

Resolutions for May:

• Bake more
• Work out less
• Eat more burgers
• Throw away all dumb pencil skirts that hate me
• Wear sweat pants to work

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the exercise wagon

I can barely see it. Way off in the distance there. The exercise wagon that I fell off long ago. Yeah, its still in sight...

I need to get my butt into gear and get my heart rate pumping. None of this "new years resolution" business for me though. Just straight up, realistic, totally achievable moving of my patootie on a semi-regular basis.

Oh and eating vegetables. Sometimes veggies just go into hibernation in the winter, doncha know? Gotta hate that. I need to start eating them again.

When I say things like this to my bestie he just laughs at me in that sort of I've heard THAT before kind of way. With a touch of loving-kindness tossed in. So I'm not telling him this time. I'm telling you!

Tomorrow its supposed to be 60 degrees. If we must have 60 degree weather in December I must run outside. Wish me luck...

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Major gym failure

Wanna hear something dumb? I went to title my post "embarrassing" and saw that I already have a post titled "embarrassment."

Moving right along...

A few months ago Groupon sent me this lovely little opportunity: 6 boot camp sessions and 2 personal training sessions for only 40 buckaroos. Sign me up! I finished the boot camp sessions which were awesome and seriously really very hard and after dragging my feet finally signed up for the personal trainer sessions. I went the day before Thanksgiving. Also known as the day before our 5k. I never showed you pictures of that, did I? Oh. I'll get that to you later. Training session was also awesome. Kicked my patootie but in a friendly "I believe in you" kind of way. He also convinced me that signing up for my next session to be a 6am sounded like a good idea.

False.

I successfully made it out of bed at 5:30 and to the gym at 6:07.
You didn't expect me to be on time, did you?
I warm up and start on the first exercise. Or maybe the second. Whatever. I was dizzy and nauseous. Now we're all friends here so I know what you're thinking. I was thinking the same thing.
What's new, lady? You're slighty dizzy and nauseous? That's old news.
He is concerned that I might pass out. So I say to Mr. Wilson "I played for the Chiefs and I could dominate you" Thomas:
Oh no, no no. I wouldn't pass out. If anything I might lose my cookies. It's no big deal. Happens all the time. Just give me a minute.
He looks at me like I just dropped a bomb. His response is:
That's like going on a third date and mentioning in passing that you've got 15 kids! Why in the world didn't you tell me this before? We was gonna go get drinks, but now I'm just gonna pay for dinner and check out!
Hilarious. I say:
Sorry. Didn't occur to me.
He proceeds to insist that I drink orange juice or take a glucose tablet, I opted for the juice, and sit down for a bit. After every other set for the rest of the morning he tells me to sit down or drink more juice because I look pale.

He further proceeds to sing a song about how I should have payed more attention when we went over my meal plan.
I, on the other hand, proceed to get more and more embarrassed and frustrated. At this point I'm thinking:
A) I totally wasted my second free personal training session.
B) Got up at 5:30am for nada.
C) I feel like bleck.
D) Now I can't get Starbucks for a post-workout reward.
E) I should just eat better and this wouldn't happen.
F) Next time I go to the gym I should wear blush.
G) I want to go home and bake banana bread.

In other news, the trainer offered to do free group training sessions for me and 4 friends for 3 weeks if I can find 3 friends. Any takers?

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Diet and Execise basics

Recently I've decided I'm on a mission to approach (actually attain is unrealistic) the weight and size I was at our wedding about a year and a half ago. My approach is as follows (I think in outlines so bear with me):

• Diet
• Do not bake. I repeat do not bake. I may have to purge my pantry of all sugar and flour to ensure this doesn't happen.
• Remove all spare candy bars from your purse, laptop bag, desk drawer, nightstand, etc. Replace with gum. Sugar addiction is very similar to a nicotine addiction you know.
• Be realistic. Desserts are totally allowed on the weekends :-)
• Exercise
• Do not be afraid of the treadmill. You have nothing to fear but fear itself. Except for that one time my mom fell on treadmill and herniated a disc in her neck and couldn't move her arm for approximately 4 months before she finally got a massive and i mean massive shot in her neck to take down the swelling. Other than that, there's really nothing to fear.
• Do not forget your iPod. Nothing kills a good workout momentum more than having to hear the guy across the gym grunting from lifting weights that are just stupid. And nothing gets you moving better than a good showtunes playlist. I need a little more than a lot of diva when I'm working out.
• Do more squats. Your jeans will fit better. Yours that is. Not mine. Mine is a lost cause.

Wish me luck.

PS- Today's lipstick is "a different grape" and it doesn't look very good. Still rockin it in an empty house though. The pupster likes it though. And he's seriously cute so I'll take his advice.

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