Resolutions for May

Two lies and a truth:

1. I am athletic
2. And I love to run. 
3. Therefore I signed up for two 5ks on back-to-back weekends. 

I bet you'll never guess which one of those statements is true. 

Background: I have horrible feet. We're talking I had to have surgery on my left foot when I was 17. I was supposed to do my right foot after that, but decided it wasn't worth it. So naturally running comes easily to me. False again. But I do force myself to run [very short distances] on a semi-regular basis. I was doing the math in my head a few months ago and realized I've had the same running shoes since 2005. That was just a couple years ago. No big deal. So I bought myself some new ones. Which makes running slightly more comfortable, but not significantly. But this Wednesday hubster and I went for a run at like 10pm (which is totally normal, right?) and went for about 35 minutes. I thought I was going to die, but I didn't. So that's good. Maybe that means I won't die in this weekend's race. Maybe.

In other news, I've been doing this weights class at the gym. I like the class a lot, but our gym is rediculous in some ways, including the fact that they arbitrarily decide that AC is overrated sometimes. Now I'm the first one to turn off the AC at home as long as the house stays between 65- 82 (yes, we are very tolerant of these swings) but when I'm working my tail off doing squats with enormous amounts of weight (bahaha) I don't appreciate the lack of AC. So I've actually had to decrease the weight I lift to keep myself from falling over, passing out, or both. Dumb gym. I should boycott. 

Last night when I got home from work our neighbors were grilling out. They invited me over for hamburgers. And I thought to myself that I want to just hang out in my backyard and eat burgers and have a chill evening. But nooo. Self control got the best of me. I had to turn them down to go to my weights class. Let's just call it Body Pump Lite, mkay? 

GET TO THE POINT, LADY!

Yeah yeah yeah. Quit yelling at me. 

So this morning I'm getting ready for work and go to put on a pencil skirt and it doesn't fit. Not too tight because of the enormity of my quad muscles either. It didn't fit round the ole' hip bumpers. Maybe my hip muscles are growing. Let's be real... Probs not. So rude. 

Resolutions for May:

• Bake more
• Work out less
• Eat more burgers
• Throw away all dumb pencil skirts that hate me
• Wear sweat pants to work

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Happy April 25th

Know what brings a smile to my face? 

This FB post on my wall this morning. 

Love my cousin. 

He's creepy and I'm good with that.

We have a date on Saturday night and I'm pumped. 

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tuesday

I have nothing to blog about. 

Well, I could blog about my first grader's thank you cards. But no one loves them quite like I do.

And I could blog about our sweet game of pictionary. And how how difficult it is to draw a "ditch."

Or about our new favorite iPad game called Draw Something. It's addicting. Get it on your i-device.

Or I could blog about my orange roses are going crazy this year. Like nutso amounts of blooms. Loving that.

Maybe I could learn to take a photo of something. Or maybe I could post a picture of me posting this blog. I think I will.

I could also write about how people have a really hard time producing meaningful analytics because they are missing one critical component- the gut check.

If you know nothing about statistics, know this: 

when you get an new number or metric you should always go a gut check. 

Not to say that your gut is always right, 

but its worthwhile to add a little human intelligence to the mix.

38% of our clients use payroll DD. 

Only 1% of our clients used payroll DD as of 2 months ago. 38% is not correct. 

Our client satisfaction increased 20%. Great improvement!

We gave away our main product. That isn't a legit increase in client satisfaction. People are more tolerant of bad service when they aren't paying for it. When was the last time you complained to a manager about waiting in line at Jimmy John's on $1 sub day? You just don't do it. 

But I won't write about analytics because that would be boring :-)

I could write about how our neighbor's little girl learned to say my name and it makes me happy. Or about how she got a swing-set and looooves to swing. She ate dinner in her swing the other night because she didn't want to get out. So funny. 

I could write about how Mack dug up my Creeping Jenny. We're back to a mud-pit again. I let him have a friend over and he abused his privilege. Rude. 

Or about how I went to get coffee this morning and my favorite baristas weren't there and the new kids got my fetchel treat wrong. 

But since I don't have anything to write about I'll just say happy tuesday everyone. 

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Needs and Wants

I volunteer in a first grade classroom for a few weeks each year. I love it. Except that time last week where I saw two kids, count 'em two, dig for gold then eat it. Bluchk!

Well lately we've been talking about the difference between needs and wants.
Not too difficult to define, right?
Need: Something you have to have.
Want: Something you don't have to have, but you would be happy if you did have it.

So we practice categorizing things.
Food- Need.
Home- Need.
School- Need/ Want/ Don't want

Wii- Want/ Need?
Clothes- Need (when you're in 1st grade it's a need... it becomes a want when you get to 7th)

Not too difficult to categorize those things, but in my world it gets trickier.
Oil change- Need
New sheets- Want? Ours are past their prime, but still functional.
Salmon instead of chicken- Want?
An app to blog from my iPad- Want
Date night with hubs- Need?

Truth or dare?
Truth?
Ok. Do you know the difference between need and want? Do you use need to often?

Dare?
Good choice. I dare you to catch yourself saying need and to correct yourself out-loud when appropriate.
For example:
I need coffee. No, I want coffee.
I need new, no, want new black dress pants.
I need a manicure. Correction. I want a manicure.

And can we be honest about something? I am not at risk of understating my needs. You are not either. We don't have many needs. People that don't have enough to eat and are being oppressed by others, they have needs. We have wants. When in doubt, use want instead.

When you start correcting yourself you'll notice how often you use these words. That's when it gets scary. Cause it sounds something like this...

I WANT, I WANT, I WANT, I WANT, I WANT


What do I sound like? A first grader throwing a tantrum in the aisle at Target. Lovely.

Heart check: Why do I want so much when I lack so little? According to Paul Tripp, we are "vats of desire and entitlement."
Vat. Nice word. Makes me think of lard. Vat of lard.
I want a vat of lard.
No I don't. Just practicing.

Happy Thursday, everyone!

PS- If you want to know more on what Paul Tripp has to say about our words and what they reveal about who we believe God is, listen to this. It's long though, like over an hour maybe. Don't say I didn't warn you.

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oh no you dinint...

When I'm annoyed with people and situations

I find I handle it best when I use childish language. 

It lightens the mood. 

Watch this:

I'm sorry, you're not getting a raise this year.

That just ruffles my feathers.

I know you've been looking forward to this for weeks, but I'd like to reschedule.  

What a twerp.

I don't care about your opinion. That's just firm policy. 

He's a dingleberry. He can't help it.

I don't want to go to lunch where you want to go.  

You're being a butthead.

Your total comes to one kabillion dollars. 

Oh no no no, silly goose.

You're going to have to start over on this report.

Are you cereal right now?

This is low priority. I'll get back to you when I have time.  

Ooohhhh Boise.

I used to have that sweater. I don't wear it anymore.

Gurrrrrrl. 

You should try it. 

I recommend practicing saying these things in your head first, 

then with your roommate,

then with your friends, 

and only then with your co-workers.

It takes practice, yo. 

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My happy place

A few months ago, read first weekend of February, hubs and I were out outside enjoying 70 degree weather and noticing the little tulip sprouts. Spring was so close!! We were both giddy with excitement! But then he stopped.

"Wait. This means we have to buy more flowers. Doesn't it?"

"Why yes, it does."

So trying to be the responsible wife that I am. Wish I was. Try to be. I planted seeds. I planted alyssum, zinnias, dianthus, and some herbs like basil, cilantro, and lavender. Guess what? They are growing! Well, most of them. The dianthus and lavender didn't stand a chance, but all the others sprouted beautifully! I put them all in the ground about two weeks ago. They are enjoying it there.

But of course I still need- correction- want more. So I end up here. The nursery. My happy place.

Row after row of gorgeous plants.

"It's my home, my family... my life..." - Movie trivia! Kate, this one is for you :-)

So naturally I stocked up. Holly, roses, a hydrangea, delphinium, salvia, phlox, lobelia, and creeping jenny to name a few.

Dont worry. It's cheap. Question mark? No, it's not. But I love love love flowers, so it's worth it.

If I had to pick something to do for a living other than what I'm doing now, I'd guess it would be flowers. Can some one teach me how to garden better? And how to make arrangements? And how to afford it all? :-)

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Crunching the numbers

I've had some interesting jobs in my day. I'm only a-twenty-somethin, but I done seen the world.
False.

But I did work at a golf country club without ever setting foot on the course.
I worked at a brewery without ever drinking beer.
I worked at the YMCA in the inner city... without having kids? Less significant. I'll stop.
I worked at a beauty salon.
I worked at a house-keeper in a major hotel.
I taught statistics.
I worked in another restaurant.
And I worked in a flower shop. Okay fine, I didn't. But I wish I did!

Anywho, I've spent a few minutes as a server. And mi madre y mi hermana (my computer really wanted me to type "Herman" there) have spent more than a few minutes servin y'all over the years. And ya know what I've found after being around the industry? People are confused about this whole tip thing. Allow me to give you some pointers:

• Tips are servers' wages. They don't get a paycheck. And they likely have to split their earnings with lots of people through the restaurant, so don't assume they "make bank" on the $10 per table that they earn.
• Tips should be percent based, not fixed value. You people that tip $3 every time no matter how big the bill... no one likes you.
• Tips should be based on performance. The industry standard is about 18 percentages here in uh-mare-ee-ca, so you can go up or down from there. Go less than 15% and you're telling your server they messed up. Keep that in mind.
• Tip on the after tax value. (This is the topic that spurred today's post so I had to bury this tip in the middle, lest I get fired up.)
• Tip on the pre-discounted value. For example, if you had a coupon for a free entree or your server bought your dessert for your birthday, add the cost of that back in then calc your tip.
• If you sit for a long time and don't order much, add extra to your tip for opportunity cost. We won't define that phrase today, so just trust me.

What is the easiest way to get to 18%? Aim for 20% Pardon the condescension here, but do you know how to crunch the numbers to get to 20% of your ticket? Just move the decimal and multiply by 2.
If your meal was 30, it is 3x2 or $6.
If your meal was 150, your tip should be closer to 15x2 or $30. You might think that is a lot, but at restaurants with higher prices each server takes care of fewer customers. That means they spend more time on you and don't have as many tables. So they aren't necessarily making that much more.

Glad we could have this conversation :-)

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Easter reality

Stricken, smitten, and afflicted,
See Him dying on the tree!
‘Tis the Christ by man rejected;
Yes, my soul, ’tis He, ’tis He!
‘Tis the long expected prophet,
David’s Son, yet David’s Lord;
Proofs I see sufficient of it:
‘Tis a true and faithful Word.

Tell me, ye who hear Him groaning,
Was there ever grief like His?
Friends through fear His cause disowning,
Foes insulting his distress:
Many hands were raised to wound Him,
None would interpose to save;
But the deepest stroke that pierced Him
Was the stroke that Justice gave.

Ye who think of sin but lightly,
Nor suppose the evil great,
Here may view its nature rightly,
Here its guilt may estimate.
Mark the Sacrifice appointed!
See Who bears the awful load!
‘Tis the Word, the Lord’s Anointed,
Son of Man, and Son of God.

Here we have a firm foundation,
Here the refuge of the lost.
Christ the Rock of our salvation,
Christ the Name of which we boast.
Lamb of God for sinners wounded!
Sacrifice to cancel guilt!
None shall ever be confounded
Who on Him their hope have built.

By Thomas Kelly

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Blonde and subtle, like me.

Have I told you that I love the new Starbucks blonde roast? Cause I do. It's not for all you coffee-lovers though. Oh no. This is a light roast. The kind that lets you get away with just a little less milk and a little less sugar because it doesn't have the same WHA-BAM coffee flavor. It's just a little more subtle. Like me.

Did you catch that joke? Me. Subtle. Ha.

Happy Thursday, everyone :-)

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how to celebrate

Go to Google news and search "Kentucky celebration". Then change the date range to April 2008 and search "Kansas Celebration." Here is what you'll find...

Kentucky championship celebrations  

Kansas Championship celebrations

"Our fans are the classiest fans"- Coach Calipari. 

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Jayhawk love

Where we're you when the Jayhawks took it all in 2008?

I was In Allen Fieldhouse watching the game.

Then I was on Mass for the celebration.

Such wonderful memories :-)

Watching the game with my roomie.

It started to look bad...

But then it started to look good

And then we won! True excitement here!

Excitement everywhere actually

So then my bf picked us up and took us to Mass where thousands of people celebrated.

We ran into my former roomie. I love her.

Celebrating being #1... Except our Chinese friend thought we were doing peace-signs.

My bf was so very happy :-)

Let's Go Jayhawks!

* Pardon the photo quality. These are FB copies.

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